Team Wolfgang

As Dolly Parton’s character, Truvy, said in Steel Magnolias, “…now you know I’d rather walk on my knees than talk ugly about somebody, but… .” 


Well, I’m about to do a little knee-walkin’, and I hope y’all can forgive me.  But I just thought the whole thing was so darn funny that I have to tell it.  Well, it’s funny and it’s not, because I felt kind of bad for the little fella, but, oh, you’re smart enough to know what I’m trying to say.


Now, I am going to start with a little disclaimer.  I am so far removed from being able to pass judgment on another’s parenting abilities (unless they’re just blatantly STUPID) that it really goes without saying.  We have one child and he’s only two, so things haven’t even kicked into gear yet.  Tater Daddy and I were just the aunt and uncle for 12 years who lived to let the nieces and nephews do whatever their parents told them not to, so you know, there’s that going against us.  AND, I was an elementary school teacher for nine years before Tater Tot came along, which gave me plenty of time to build up a nice pile of crow to snack on for the next 20 years or so. 


I’m just saying that I’m not a parenting expert.  Just an innocent bystander.  With an opinion.


Several weeks ago I overheard a mother talking to her toddler and I was so intrigued by the way the “conversation” was going that I just flat-out started listening.  And THEN I started taking sides.  It’s ridiculous, I agree.  But let me set it up for you, or as Sophia on The Golden Girls would’ve said, “Picture this.”


It was a Wednesday morning and I was dropping Tater Tot off at Mothers’ Day Out (MDO).  I parked behind a Let-Me-Impress-You SUV, you know, the one that has a huge sticker price but is known for staying in the shop.  And yes, I’m being just a little sassy because the person driving said vehicle…kinda….well, whatever.  You can decide.


I got out of my I-Am-A-Big-Honkin-Nerd station wagon (tit for tat) and walked around to unbuckle the little man, and a VERY VERY VERY thin woman got out of the SUV and helped a little boy out of the back seat.  I’m guessing he was about three, and I’m positive that he was not in a pleasant mood.  So, here is this little fellow with his lip stuck so far out he was in danger of tripping on it, and his nearly transparent mother was unhitching another youngster from his car seat.  He was less than a year old and she carried him on her hip, though how in the world it didn’t break I’ll never know.


The toddler’s car seat was behind the driver’s seat, so when his mother got him out, he was standing kind of in the way of traffic.  We were at a church and in the parking lot, and we’d both pulled up and parked at the curb, so it’s not like we were on the busy street.  But, still, cars do pass on the left side of you if you park as I’ve described.  So there’s the little fellow, standing about four feet away from the SUV and not budging one inch.


This is where I came in and this is what I heard.  (I have changed the child’s name, although I don’t really know why.  I think the only people reading this are Kristi, Diane, Beth, and Ginny, and none of you are the culprits.)


Mom:  Wolfgang, come stand on the sidewalk while I get your brother out of the car.


Wolfgang stands there with his lip still hanging out and doesn’t move.


Mom:  Mommy needs you to come stand on the sidewalk right now, Wolfgang.


Wolfgang: No!


At this point, I am intrigued and think I will learn something valuable about how to hand situations like this and decide to pay attention.  I keep getting Tater Tot’s things out of the car but do so slowly.


Mom:  (stomps foot)  Wolfgang!  Mommy said to come here and Mommy means it!


Oh no, she di-ent!  Huh?  She stomped her bony little foot?  At her toddler?  Noooooooooo!

Mom goes to Wolfgang, with other child on hip, and pulls Wolfgang to sidewalk.  Wolfgang drags his feet.  Transparent Mom is surprisingly strong.  I am amazed.


Mom:  Wolfgang!  Mommy told you to do something.  You  must obey Mommy!  

(Okay, so here I thought she was going to talk about how he could’ve been hurt and how that would be terrible, etc.  I should not think ahead.)


Mom: It is Mommy’s job to tell you what to do and it is your job to do it when Mommy says it!  You should obey Mommy all the time.  Now, let’s go to your classroom.


Huh?    Mom starts walking and Wolfgang slowly puts one foot in front of the other.  By this time, I have Tater Tot on my hip (which is in NO danger of breaking) and we are right behind Wolfgang.  I seriously wanted to give him a big hug.


Mom:  (walking, not looking back while talking) Mommy is just not happy right now, Wolfgang.  Mommy is not happy.  And Mommy does not like to feel unhappy.  When you do not obey Mommy, Mommy is not happy.


And then he finally speaks.  Mommy has turned the corner.  Wolfgang lets out a big, tired sigh.  And I swear I am not making this up.


Wolfgang:  (mumbling)  I don’t care.



Again, I am in no way qualified to pass judgment.  Who knows what their morning had been like?  Wolfgang may have pushed every button his mom had that morning before  she’d even had a chance to roll out of bed.  I have no idea.


BUT… Based on what little I saw and heard, my tee-shirt is gonna read “Team Wolfgang!”


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ginny
    Aug 06, 2008 @ 13:51:57

    Ok, you know you have to publish now…you are an AWESOME comedic author!!! I’m cracking up at Wolfgang! Love ya!


  2. Tater Mama
    Aug 06, 2008 @ 16:14:16

    You are too sweet! You KNOW I appreciate the encouragement! Get going on Farm Angels, girl!


  3. Upside Brown
    Aug 07, 2008 @ 21:49:00

    I can only say, “Stupid is as stupid does.” GO WOLFGANG GO!


  4. Calista
    Aug 07, 2008 @ 22:21:57

    Hot bloggity blog,
    You so crazy. Ginny told me about you. I’m gonna add you to my blog roll. This looks GREAT. I need some help on mine. I’m glad to see you are a Truvy fan, she is my ficitonal heroine. I can’t wait to read more from you.


  5. JLI
    Nov 22, 2008 @ 10:03:12

    Truvy AND Sophia in the same post?? Are you kidding me?!?!? OK, swing by my place and check out under “media” my post “Picture It…Sicily…1932”. Steel Magnolias is my #2 favorite movie and Golden Girls, easily my favorite sitcom of all time! Starting from the bottom and reading my way to current. I am lovin’ this blog! 🙂


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