Come Along While I Shop the Catalogs and Giggle

I am going to tell you right off the bat that I LOVE catalogs, mainly because some of the things in them make me laugh right out loud.  So, yes, I might will definitely call your attention to things that I think are kind of funny — or funny lookin’ — but please keep in mind that it’s just my opinion. I simply mean that the items would not look right on me, just as some of the things that I think are fab-u-lous might cause you to have me fitted for a straight-jacket.  

Hmmm……straight-jackets…..I wonder if they come in plum…..?

Okay.  Let’s start with a catalog I started getting a couple of years ago and have actually ordered two or three sweaters from.  It’s called Northern Style.  I know, I know.  It took a lot for this southern girl to open it, but the promise of cozy sweaters was too much to resist.  In fact, I have this one and this one.  Oh, wait.  I also have this one, which is particularly warm while being very lightweight.  Lightweight is good when you live in Memphis. What we consider our cold part of winter lasts about 39 minutes, so there’s no need for a lot of wool and such. 

On to the fun stuff.  If I were the kind of girl who spent $70 on clogs, I would buy these in a heartbeat.  I mean, sweaters for your feet?  Sign me up.  My feet are always cold.  ALL.  WAYS.  It doesn’t help that our house is nearly 160 years old, give or take a few, and that, in most parts, the floor is THE floor, meaning there is no sub-floor.  Pry those boards up and hello — cold air.  But, alas, I am not the kind of girl who pays that kind of money for clogs.  Sorry.

Let’s move on, shall we?  Boots!  Are you looking for a yummy pair of leather boots for the season? If you’re willing to spend the moolah, these are for yoolah!  I could go on and on about these.  But I’ll spare you.  Merry Christmas.  (I don not own these, much to my dismay.  If I won’t spend 70 smackeroos on clogs that I would wear everyday, do you think I’d spend this kind of money on boots that I might wear once a week at best?  Hardly.) 

This denim jacket is one of the best looking ones I’ve seen all season.  It would look great with khakis or black pants.  I’m not crazy about the skirt they’ve got it paired with, but what do I know?  I’m still drooling over those sweater clogs.  Have mercy!  Here’s another pair!

Here are some things, however, that will NEVER show up on my credit card, even though they are scrumptious!  Mainly because I do not need any more help in looking chunkier than I already feel.  

And here are some things, in my humble opinion, that are just plain wrong, friends.  If I were taking pictures for Glamour, these would end up on the Fashion DONT’S page.  You know.  In the world of me, that is.  Seriously?  How much stuff does one need on a pair of boots?  And it’s one thing to want to wear sweaters on your feet for warmth.  But I totally don’t get wanting to wear really loud wallpaper on your paws…..   

Just who are you going to sneak up on while wearing these?

Well.  That’ll teach me to watch Project Runway for two hours straight while Tater Tot is at Mother’s Day Out.  It appears that I think I’m some sort of fashion maven as I lie here in my flannel pajama pants and tie-dyed “Hippy Holidays” tee-shirt.  I’m such a fashion hypocrite, I know.

The next catalog, Solutions, has nothing to do with fashion.  It’s all about stuff you’d like to have but you’d feel silly ordering.  For example.

I think it would be absolutely divine to have a Slanket.  Remember when I told you earlier about how my feet are always cold?  Truth be told, the rest of me is always cold, too.  Why?  Oh, that’s right.  I forgot to mention that the ceilings in the main two rooms are about 11-feet high.  And remember that we all learned in our elementary science classes that heat rises.  So, back to the Slanket.  I think this is a great little invention.  Unless you’re a total klutz like me.  In that case, you have to ask the question, “How long would it be before she breaks an ankle/leg/hip/neck….?”

How about this little compost pail?  You can keep the thing right on the counter?  Oh, yes, because THAT’S where I want my rotting fruits and veggies.  I can just picture it now.  In my morning fog, I pour my cup of coffee and reach for the canister that holds the sugar.  But because I am still half-asleep, my hand finds the compost jar instead and two scoops of rotting lemon rinds and banana peel go into my freshly brewed cup-o-Joe.  I don’t think it would be good to the last drop.

Tater Daddy will buy nine of these baggie dryers if he sees them, so, SSSSHHHHHH!  He’ll try to pass them off as our Christmas tree by stacking them on top of each other, I just know it!  This man has no trouble throwing away 83 2-liter bottles of diet coke per week, but plastic bags?  Oh.  The. Shame!

Okay, this is taking the cleaning a little too far, but if the OCD in you is just-a-raging, these are for you.  I love how the description says “….to make cleaning day fun and effortless.”  That makes people like me laugh right out loud because there is nothing FUN about cleaning day.  Which brings me to a question I’ve been meaning to ask, because I am very curious about this.  Do y’all clean just once a week?  Because I clean every single day.  I swear, y’all.  I’m never through, and there are just three of us in a house just over 2,000 square-feet.  I’ll save the details for another post, but I would like to know if y’all are able to keep your houses clean for an entire week, and if so, HOW IN THE HECK DO YOU DO IT?

Don’t you just hate it when someone gives you cash as a gift and it’s in a plain old envelope?  Um, wait a minute.  NO!  Personally, I love getting cash any way it’s given.  For one thing, it’s my favorite color.  AND it always fits.  However, it appears that there is a segment of the population that needs a certain WOW! factor on top being given a nice presidential portrait.  Here’s a way to satisfy those needy folks.

And that concludes my catalog tour for the day.  Free to you, unless, of course you want to send me a buck or two…folded in the shape of a shirt or swan or candy bar or something cutsie like that….

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kelley
    Nov 06, 2008 @ 14:43:41

    Uh, yeah! I would totally take some low-carb recipes. Toss em’ my way!! : )

    Reply

  2. Kim H.
    Nov 06, 2008 @ 15:54:44

    Oh my gosh – the baggie dryer cracks me up! That totally was invented by someone that didn’t know it was actually meant to hold pictures!! HA!

    Reply

  3. Upside Brown
    Nov 06, 2008 @ 17:22:06

    Oh NOW I am ROFL!!!! I am going to get a baggie dryer for SB’s Christmas stocking! We fit right into the “we must save baggies” club. Oh good grief!

    I particularly am a little creeped out over the dusting shoes. There’s something WRONG about that. And you know me, I’m lucky if my house gets cleaned once a week. Being the good doobee, of course, I straighten up, but cleaning?? I have better things to do.

    You’re a better woman than me!

    Reply

  4. Calista
    Nov 07, 2008 @ 00:58:52

    You really need a slanket. I had one some years back and had the joy of tangling my feet up in it and landing face down on the floor. Really, just straight down, like the Nestea plunge. I have it no longer.

    Reply

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