But I’m Not Even 40 Yet!

“Time marches on and sooner or later you realize that it’s marchin’ across your face.”

Oh, Truvy.  Truer words have never been spoken.

Whenever I hear someone my age say that they love being in their 30s, I’m pretty sure my facial expression says, “Have you just completely lost your mind?”

Because this aging thing is kind of depressing.

I have several friends who say that they loved turning 30 because they finally felt like people started taking them seriously.

For me, turning 30 was practically traumatic.  I did not look forward to that birthday.  I didn’t want to leave my 20s.  I LOVED my 20s.  And as for being taken seriously, I’ve never once uttered the words, “I want to be taken seriously.”  I’m not kidding.  Not once.

In my 20s, my skin still had the tautness of youth.  

If I gained a few pounds, it came off within a couple of weeks without a lot of effort.  

Gravity hadn’t set in.

Oh, how things have changed.

By the time we’re singing Christmas carols and decking our halls again, I will have turned  — gasp — 40!

And please don’t tell me that 40 is the new 30, because I’ve already told you how I felt about 30.

I’m just not aging well, y’all.

The wrinkles?  They are a-comin’.  Mainly they’re coming in the form of crows’ feet.  I can’t slather on enough Oil of Olay eye lifting serum.

Don’t even get me started on the signs of sun damage.  Let’s just call it what it is.  I’ve got AGE SPOTS!  Folks of my grandmother’s generation would’ve called them liver spots.  Oh, the horrors!  I’ve been using Oil of Olay’s microderm abrasion two times a week for several months now, hoping it might help my skin look a little better.

A few weeks ago, Big Mama wrote that she uses Oil of Olay’s night time regenerist lotion.  It says that it’s like waking up to a mini facelift each morning.  I’m right there with you, Big Mama.  I’ve been slapping that stuff on for months now.  I’m not sure I look any different, though.  I mean, no one has asked me if I’ve had any work done.  But I’m ever hopeful.

This aging thing doesn’t just take its toll on the face, though.

For instance, I’m finding that I can’t sit down with, say, a box of Pop-Tarts without some pretty hefty consequences on my thighs.  Not only would I have to go on a no-carb diet for about two months to counteract such a binge, but I’d have to practically live in a pair of Spanx throughout the entire bathing suit season.  And that includes wearing said Spanx under a Miracle Suit.

About four years ago, I discovered that my knees had dropped.  You know what I’m talking about, right?  Because gravity does not pull only at the boobs and the hiney.  For whatever reason, the knees — well, the skin just above the knees — drops.  And it’s just depressing.

I remember my mother talking about this.  Actually, I remember her laughing about it, because my mother has the wonderful ability to find humor in most everything.  So I grew up thinking that all of these things would be somewhat amusing.

And they were.

Until the wrinkles and liver spots were staring back at me, and my boobs were sagging so low that they were hitting my loose-skinned knees.  Not to mention the fact that my rear end was drooping to the point of whacking the back of my thighs when I walk.

Tell me.  Does Oil of Olay make a cream for THAT?


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DeAun
    Mar 05, 2009 @ 13:25:45

    hahaha, I can laugh because I will turn 40 in a couple of weeks and am facing all the same things (except the boobs, mine aren’t big enough to sag, the are just plain disappearing).


  2. Tatersmama
    Mar 05, 2009 @ 14:44:18

    Hun, I’ve got years on you and I can honestly say that you have NOTHING to complain about now. Just wait until you’re 50.
    Wait until your butt gets stuck in one of those plastic deck chairs and you need someone to pry it off for you.


  3. JLI
    Mar 05, 2009 @ 16:10:40

    Um, hello? There are 30-somethings that read this blog too…and y’all are scaring them! More specifically, ME!

    Aging has scared me from a very young age. For a class project in middle school we were told to invent a product and create an ad campaign for it. Yours truly, at the tender age of 13 thought of “under-wire underwear” because for almost 20 years, I have FEARED losing my gravity-immune back end. I figured what gravity would seek to destroy, a cleverly-crafted piece of undergarment could single-handedly undo the effect of.

    Patent-pending. 🙂


  4. pcb
    Mar 05, 2009 @ 20:23:57

    I hate to tell you, things just droop more and more every year! Love your mama’s attitude and strive for that myself. The LIVER SPOTS are the worst in my opinion…worse than anything drooping (you can cover or prop that up). All those fun times at the beach are surely coming back to haunt me (not that I’m stopping my beach-going). Point being, go ahead and love what you look like now because when you’re 56 like me, you’ll so wish you had that 40 year old body!


  5. Calista
    Mar 06, 2009 @ 10:54:51

    That made me think of the old joke about the woman wearing the mud pack to bed and telling husband it was supposed to firm her skin up, and he asked her if she could sit in it….heeeheee


  6. thefarmerfiles
    Mar 06, 2009 @ 13:32:37

    about the boobs….try the Wacol bra. It is like having a LIFT done. They are spendy…but worth it! Well, I went for a custom fitting and got one at Nordstrom and then I ordered the same size Wacol’s from ebay for .5 the price with TAGS on them.


  7. Kim H.
    Mar 06, 2009 @ 17:22:27

    I’m cracking up – and I’m about the same age as JLI! I just think that when it’s articulated – it ends up being funny the things that we all worry about.

    I hated turning 30 – and now that I’m looking closely at 31… I’m freaking out that I still don’t have children. This is not the plan! My kids will never know where my body parts were supposed to be!


  8. Angelena@Little Mountain House
    Mar 09, 2009 @ 16:57:39

    Oh my!! I am 34 and starting to see some of the affects. I am getting—- chicken legs – seriously -below the knees- chicken legs UGH! You and your boobs give me so much hope- by the time I am 60 I will just flop one boob over each shoulder and go on my merry way! lol!

    Seriously- you crack me up everytime I read your blog- I love it!


  9. How to Get Six Pack Fast
    Apr 15, 2009 @ 12:00:54

    My fellow on Facebook shared this link and I’m not dissapointed that I came to your blog.


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