Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Brain?

I keep thinking of that line Julia Sugarbaker was so famous for.

“Have you just completely lost your mind?”

If you were to ask me that right now, I would have to answer, “Yes.  Yes I have, in fact, completely lost my mind, and I have pretty much lost all hope of finding it any time soon.”

I will present to you, in bullet point format, just a few of the things I’ve done in the last few days.  Feel free to laugh all you want.  I don’t have enough sense to be offended.

  • I decided I would make a batch of chicken salad.  I put a pot of water on the stove in which to boil the frozen chicken breasts.  The water boiled for about an hour.  The chicken breasts stayed in the freezer.
  • I washed the same load of dishes three times.
  • I got in the shower the other day to wash my hair and the only thing I did was shave my legs.  It wasn’t until I got out and was almost completely dried off that I realized my mission hadn’t been fully accomplished.
  • When I was putting laundry away a couple of days ago, I put a stack of Tater Daddy’s things in Tater Tot’s closet.  He pulled out a pair of his Daddy’s boxers and said, “I wanna wear dis!”  Even I couldn’t have come up with a good excuse for that one at Parent’s Day Out.
  • A few days ago, Tater Tot had been especially good and wanted to watch Cars.  I put the DVD in the machine, but when I pressed PLAY on the remote, nothing happened.  In fact, nothing happened when I pressed any of the buttons.  Tater Tot got increasingly upset and I got increasingly frustrated, and then I just got fire-breathing mad.  I was about to tell Tater Tot we’d have to wait for our electronic hero to come home from work when I looked down at the remote, which had not occurred to me to do before then.  I was holding the darn thing backwards.  
  • This is my personal favorite, by the way.  I went into Tater Tot’s room to do something, and when I turned on the lights, the brightness of the room barely changed.  I checked to see if any bulbs were burned out, but all were burning.  Great… Tater Daddy came in a changed all the lights to those energy saving bulbs that take forever to “come on” and he didn’t tell me, I complained to myself.  I grumbled a little more, left the room for a few minutes, went back in, and lo-and-behold, the lights were just as dim.  I could not figure it out to save my life.  I turned the lights on and off several times, although I’m not sure what I thought that would accomplish.  I’ll tell you what it accomplished:  nothing.  Defeated, I waited for my husband to come home, and when he did I explained that something was terribly wrong with the wiring in Tater Tot’s room and we needed to call an electrician or else the house was going to catch on fire and burn to the ground at any minute and didn’t he sense the urgency of the matter!  This is what he had to say.  “First of all, woman, seriously.  You have got to get ALL THAT CRAZY under control.”  Then he said, “Second, did you check the dimmer switch?”

My dimmer switch is obviously stuck on LOW.  

You know, I have never been accused of actually using my brain all that often, but now that it appears to have taken a leave of absence, I sort of miss it.  So if you happen upon it, would you be ever so kind to let me know?  I’ll send someone right out to fetch it.  Just as soon as I can figure out how to unlock the door…


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kim H.
    May 14, 2009 @ 08:27:17

    It’s both funny and endearing at the same time. 🙂 And ummm… my husband knows better than to talk about my Crazy… because that almost always envokes crying.
    After almost 15 years of marriage, we’ve learned to embrace and even laugh about each other’s crazy. Life is too short to let each other’s crazy drive you…crazy! 🙂


  2. JLI
    May 14, 2009 @ 09:22:15

    What?? No putting milk in the pantry and cereal in the fridge, then forgetting about the milk until you came upon a sour smell? Ah…something to aspire to! Bless your heart!
    Girl, I did the milk thing when Tater Tot was an infant. Luckily, I caught it before it was too late. I also tried to start my car with my husband’s keys and cried because “my” keys wouldn’t work. And several times I’d leave the house to run errands only to get down the street and have no idea what I’d left the house for. Talk about feeling stupid…


  3. Lora Lynn
    May 14, 2009 @ 10:21:59

    They say that when women add babies to their families, they go through a time of being “stupid” so their brains can handle and process all the things they need to. Perhaps you’re just on overload so you can get smarter. That’s what I always tell myself, anyway. 🙂
    Oh, I hope I’ll get smarter. If things get worse, we’re all in real trouble around here!


  4. Diane
    May 14, 2009 @ 11:11:49

    You are so precious and funny! I will laugh all day about these, the boxer story in particular. How I miss living with you in the dorm and Chi O house to experience all of these events in living color.
    There are just too many miles between our houses. Why did the people who arranged our country put our states this far apart?


  5. Upside Brown
    May 14, 2009 @ 11:52:03

    “there, there, there – with all the baby and nonsense, it’s no wonder… we’ll just add a little more diet coke and she’ll be alright…”
    “You know I love you more ‘n my luggage…”


  6. pendy
    May 14, 2009 @ 13:37:43

    Your brain has been kidnapped by the postpartum crazies…it will come back in approximately 18 years.

    The Voice of Experience


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  8. Meg @ Spicy Magnolia
    May 14, 2009 @ 18:38:36

    This was hilarious! And with all you’ve been through lately, I seriously do not blame you for having some of these type moments! But thanks for sharing because 1) it totally cheered me up today and gave me some chuckles and 2) it reassured me that I am not alone. Here’s to finding our brains!


  9. Kelley
    May 15, 2009 @ 09:00:18

    I’m right there with you, my dear! Yesterday I stopped at the grocery on the way to work to pick up a few frozen lunches and such. I picked up a container of yogurt. I get to work, was putting the items in the freezer and went on my way.

    I got into my car at the end of the day–the yogurt was sitting on the front seat. Didn’t even phase me that I had forgotten the yogurt in the car! : )


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