Eating Crow Isn’t So Bad

It’s been a long time since I talked about bacon.  I love it.  I adore it.  It may be my love language.  It stinks up the house and makes my hair smell for two days, but I love it.

Remember when I ate about a pound of bacon all by myself?  There probably should be some shame in that statement, but in all reality it just brings back fond memories.

Well, last night I decided to make breakfast for supper: waffles and bacon.  Whenever I make breakfast for supper I talk it up like it’s something really, really special!  To tell the truth, this is the meal I make when I morph into Old Mother Hubbard because the cupboard is bare.  We have a newborn in the house, so trips to the grocery are stretched apart until I absolutely have to go.  I suppose I could send Tater Daddy, but then I’d be forced to try to make meals from cans of Betty Crocker cream cheese icing, blueberry Pop-Tarts, and Ritz crackers despite the fact that he would enter the grocery store with a list made out by yours truly.  I’ll be hitting the grocery store later today, which means I’ll have to get out of these pajamas and put on make-up.  Oh, the sacrifices we make for our families…

As I was rooting around in the refrigerator last night I made a most horrifying discovery.

No, we weren’t out of bacon.

It was WORSE!  It was my own personal bacon nightmare coming true.

The only thing we had was…was…turkey bacon.

Well, I had to grab ‘hold of a chair to steady myself.  Turkey bacon?  Seeing turkey bacon in my kitchen was like having Yankees appear at Scarlett’s Tara.

Tater Daddy has been after me for some time to try it.  I’ve bought turkey hot dogs and turkey sausage for him.  I’ve bought fat-free everything that he’s asked for.  He does have high cholesterol, after all, and we do try to watch it.  Plus, it’s not like I cook bacon all the time.  Once a month, tops.  So when I do, I want PORK bacon, dadgummit!  Pork.  Pork, pork, pork, pork, pork!  I drew the line at turkey bacon.

“Turkey bacon will not cross these lips,” I remember declaring.

The last time we went to Costco, Tater Daddy threw in a big ol’ package of the stuff.  I figured he’d cook it for himself when the little Taters and I are not around and never gave it a second thought.  Until last night.

“You don’t want bacon with your waffles, do you,” I told him.

“Heck yeah!” he told me back.  Of course he did.

So I did what any sweet and loving wife would do.  I fried up a mess of turkey bacon, grumbling the entire time.  I can’t believe there is turkey bacon in my kitchen.  Everybody knows bacon is supposed to come from a big fat pig.  Sooo-weee-pig!  Look at this bacon…hardly leaves any grease in the skillet.  There’s no way you could even fry an egg in that pitiful little bit of grease.  I bet it doesn’t even qualify as grease.  Probably tastes like foam rubber.  Rubber bacon.  I’m cooking rubber bacon.  It doesn’t even shrink up properly.  That’s just not right.

You get the picture.

We finally sat down to eat our waffles.  I was determined to boycott the fake bacon, but Tater Tot called me on it.  We’re trying not to raise a picky eater, and so far so good.  Tater Daddy told him we had a new kind of bacon and he said, “You try it, Mama.”

Tater Daddy and I are trying not to set a bad example by saying we don’t like something before even trying it.  So I took a piece and grudgingly took a bite as Tater Daddy looked on.

I’m pretty sure the first piece tasted exactly like what crow must taste like, since that’s what I was eating.

Crow, as I’ve learned from previous experience, is often fairly easy to swallow.

The second piece of bacon was very good.  It’s not as good as real bacon, but I wouldn’t mind making the switch.  It is healthier.  And with summer right on our heels, the tomatoes will be coming in soon, which means we’ll be eating our weight in BLTs in about a month.  If I use turkey bacon, I won’t feel so guilty about having BLTs about three times a week and twice on Sundays!

But just because I can switch from real bacon to turkey bacon doesn’t mean I’ll ever do something drastic like switch from diet coke to water.

That’s the sort of leap you’ll never see me make.

And that’s no jive turkey.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tatersmama
    Jun 04, 2009 @ 02:04:39

    I would gladly eat turkey bacon if we could get it in the gawd-forsaken country!!!
    Even finding *regular bacon* is like looking for hen’s teeth.
    You know you’re not gonna find any, and you’re just gonna pi** the hen off.

    When Costco comes to Oz next month, they better carry SOME sort of regular tasting bacon – piggy or otherwise, or I’m going to go home!!
    Keep me in your prayers!
    😉

    Reply

  2. Meg @ Spicy Magnolia
    Jun 04, 2009 @ 14:24:17

    Since you blogged about BLTs last summer, I have YET to make one for myself and try it. I gotta get me some o’ that!!
    ********************************************
    Oh, yes ma’am, you most certainly do! You MUST! But do not, under any circumstances, use anything but a ripe, home-grown tomato. If you don’t know someone who has a garden, try to get to a Farmer’s Market and buy a good, juicy, RED one. Sweet mercy! I’m so ready for the tomatoes to come in! 🙂 My mama called tonight and said that her green beans are ready to pick! Woohoo!

    Reply

  3. Jenny
    Jun 05, 2009 @ 23:46:59

    I’m ready for you to start writing a book (although I’m sure you are just a tad busy these days). Beth and I were talking about this at supper last night. You have the best voice when you write. I live for your blogs and am green with envy at your fantastic writing style. Hope that things are continuing to go well with all the Taters.

    Reply

  4. thefarmerfiles
    Jun 07, 2009 @ 20:17:08

    LOL I eat the turkey bacon from costco, but I microwave mine. I don’t mind it, but I dare say you should not try it. You might not like it. The taste is there but it sure looks different! And for the record, we would never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER trade diet coke for water. Not even while pregnant.

    Reply

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