Why My Mother REALLY Has Caller ID

If you ask my mother why she and my father broke down years ago and started paying for caller ID, she’ll tell you it’s due to years and years of menacing phone calls from a high school friend.  When MJ is on one of her tears, she calls up two or three folks from high school and badgers the stew out of them.  It has been this way for as long as I can remember, and I’ve been on the receiving end once or twice when I’ve innocently answered the phone and MJ has mistaken me for Mama.  Fun?  Not even close.

Before the days of caller ID, when word got around that MJ was either in town or had been left alone with a telephone, Mama and her two friends (Aunt Becky and “Miss” Elizabeth Ann), the other recipients of MJ’s rantings, would call each other with “Red Alerts!”

If one received a call from MJ, she’d call the other two and say, “Red alert, red alert!  MJ is on the loose!”  At that point, my brother and I had very clear instructions.  He and I became the chief phone answerers, and when one of us drew the short stick and got MJ, we were to politely say, “Miss MJ, Mama isn’t available right now but we’ll sure tell her you called,” and then HANG. UP. THE. PHONE.

That’s what Mama would tell you if you asked her why she loves (and needs) caller ID.

But I’m beginning to think that I’m her newest reason.

When we left her house Saturday night after a most delightful day and 4th of July celebration, I left with this bucket.

garden goodiesThe blueberries are from a family friend who has a dozen or so bushes and is kind enough to let us pick.  I had no idea we could grow blueberries in the south and until a few years ago had never tasted fresh blueberries.  Delicious!  Tater Tot loves them and has snacked on them until we’re down to one or two little Tot-sized servings.

I’ve eaten about four tomato and cucumber sandwiches on white bread.  Slathered with mayonnaise.  The only way to have made them better would’ve been to add bacon and a couple of slices of Vidalia onion, neither of which were handy.    The sandwiches were still heavenly.  Sadly, though, I’m out of tomatoes, and store-bought tomatoes just won’t do…not after having had the real thing.

Mama also sent us home with this.


It was the most perfect cantaloupe I’ve ever eaten, and YES, I ATE THE WHOLE THING MYSELF WITHIN TWO DAYS.  Tater Daddy didn’t want any when offered, and it turns out that Tater Tot doesn’t like cantaloupe.  The child will eat tomatoes and blueberries, so we’ll forgive him on the cantaloupe-thing.

Here’s what I had for breakfast two days in a row.


I know.  Don’t you just want to walk right up to my front door, slap me six times and kick my shins?

After I polished off the cantaloupe, tomatoes, and cucumber, I immediately picked up the phone and called my mother to tell her how delicious everything was.  Then I started drilling asking her when she thought more tomatoes would be ripe.  The questions didn’t stop with tomatoes.

  • What about cantaloupes?  
  • How about cucumbers?  
  • Because everything was soooooo tasty, and oh-by-the-way, Mama, did you happen to hear the part about how my greedy family I had eaten everything all up?  
  • And what about the corn you planted?  When will it be ripe?  Some corn sure would be good right about now.  
  • How are the watermelons looking?  
  • When can we pick zipper peas?  I sure can’t wait for those zipper peas.  You know how I love zipper peas, Mama.
  • What about eggplant?  Are they ready yet?  I mean, more than one at a time?  Tater Daddy and I sure do love fried eggplant.  How are those eggplant-planties coming along, Mama?

Mama and I usually talk every night around supper time.  That’s our regular time to catch up.  Lately, though, I’ve tried to call her during the day — early afternoon, mid-afternoon, sometimes late afternoon.

Guess what?  Many times, there is no answer.

I’m pretty sure she’s started screening her calls because her daughter has “the garden greed.”  

Curse you, Caller ID!!


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kelley
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 07:46:47

    I cannot wait to have a place where we can grow a proper garden. Townhome developments don’t seem to like the idea of tilling up the earth for some reason.

    Either way–I’d be just like you if there was a garden bounty to be had! : )


  2. Jenna
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 09:01:29

    I would do the same! Because of where I live our garden is woefully behind the rest of the world. Our lettuce and spinach is ready to eat but so far that is it. We have one zucchini that will be ready by the weekend and a few others quick to follow it… but I don’t even know if our cucumbers will come in. Our beans are still just plants with lots of little leaves and we have two quarter size green tomatoes… yep, I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m jealous of your mama’s garden!


  3. Heather U
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 09:01:54

    Poor Tater Mama, if we lived closer I’d share my mom’s fresh garden vegetables with you… my folks still haven’t joined the caller ID bandwagon yet and probably never will so I could totally exploit that angle ;).


  4. thefarmerfiles
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 11:12:49

    LOL she knows it is you calling now!!! HA HA HA. Hey….it is never too late to become a friend of the Farmers…because “A Friend of The Farmers is a Friend for Life.” That is one of our sayings!!!!


  5. thefarmerfiles
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 11:13:11

    LOL she knows it is you calling now!!! HA HA HA. Hey….it is never too late to become a friend of the Farmers…because “A Friend of The Farmers is a Friend for Life.” That is one of our sayings!!!! Saw your comment on Vitafam!


  6. Becca
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 13:07:15

    That’s really funny 🙂 I just popped over from BooMama’s blog and wanted to say hi 🙂 I love the fresh produce as well!


  7. pendy
    Jul 08, 2009 @ 19:19:37

    I am loving my blueberries now, too. Wish I had that canteloupe to go with them… 🙂


  8. Meg @ Spicy Magnolia
    Jul 09, 2009 @ 05:45:00

    This is funny. And the homegrown food looks amazing! Does she ship it out of State?

    Hubby and I have yet to get caller ID. I’m always a bit shocked that the rest of the world automatically assumes we have it, when shouldn’t it be the other way around??


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