Like a Needle in a Haystack

You wouldn’t think it would be that hard to find a pair of casual sandals; plain old brown go-with-everything sandals.

You, my friends, would be wrong.  That is, if you live in the world of me.

The thing is, I don’t like the thong sandal.  (Come to think of it, I don’t care for it in underwear-britches, but this post is about sandals.)  Don’t get me wrong.  I like the sandals themselves.  I just don’t like to wear them.

I’ve never liked that little strip of leather or nylon or whatever in between my toes.  It irritates me to no end.  Always has.  When I was little, around six or so, the big thing (in sandals) was to have a white or navy  blue pair of them — with a thong.  A single strip ran up your foot from the thong, met a strap that ran around the back of your foot and buckled at the ankle.  I still remember the blisters between my toes, and the memory still makes me wince.

There’s one more reason I avoid thongs, and it’s very simple.  I have the ugliest feet in the free world.  I’m not kidding.  They are U-G-L-Y.  It’s one of the main reasons I don’t get pedicures.  Subjecting an innocent person to my feet is just wrong.  I worked with a guy at my first job who was one of the funniest people I’ve ever met.  We were having a discussion about feet one day — we were very serious about our jobs, what with both being fresh out of college and all — and, long story still long, I let him look at my feet.  We became hysterical after making all kinds of jokes about my hideous feet, and then he summed it up.  “Oh, my word!  You have Tasmanian Devil feet!”  I’ve never actually seen a Tasmanian Devil, but if I ever meet one, I should apologize to its species for the insult.

For the longest time I agreed with my mother that no one has cute feet except babies and toddlers.  But then I went off to college, and when I moved in with my friend, Diane, do you know what I discovered?  Diane had beautiful feet.  And she wore sandals that actually showed her toes.  Amazing!  Honestly, Diane should be making the big bucks as a foot model.

Any-ol-hoo, a couple of weeks ago, Tater Tot was at Parent’s Day Out and I had a whopping case of cabin fever, so Small Fry and I decided to wander about.  I haven’t bought sandals in a while, so we went into DSW (Designer Shoe Warehouse).  I thought surely they would have a variety of sandals, not only in color, but in style, what with their 5 million pairs of shoes.

Here’s what I’ve been wearing for the last three years or so.  It’s what most of my sandals look like; no thong and a strap wide enough to cover the foot ugliness.

Just look how worn they are.


And, yes, that is some sort of stain on my sandal.  No doubt it is Tater Tot related.

If you look closely you can see all the dog hair on the carpet.  So much dog hair, so little time.

Anyway, I hauled Small Fry in his carrier up and down those aisles only to find thong after thong after thong, along with a couple of really ugly Gladiator-style sandals.  (I think I’m going to write Big Mama and ask her opinion on those.  What do you think?  Will she agree with me and say they are all kinds of wrong, or will she say they are actually a fashion must, thereby proving to the world that I am, indeed, a fashion idiot?)  What do you think about the Gladiator look?

I did find these, which are very comfy.  They’re not quite what I had in mind, but I do love the way they feel.  If you’ve ever worn anything Merrell, you know what I mean.


What in the world is a girl like me to do?  It’s a thong-lover’s world, and looking for a cute sandal without one is like looking for a needle in a haystack.


One haystack down, so many more to go.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JLI
    Jul 23, 2009 @ 15:58:39

    Okay, first of all, you’re totally right. Shoes are just gettin’ more and more wacky. How come you can’t just find something normal, that goes with lots of outfits? Men like to complain how we women have so many pairs of shoes and they have 2-3 pairs – black, brown (maybe) and sneakers. Yeah. You wanna know why?? Have you see what we have to choose from? We can’t just buy one shoe to go with lots of stuff! Beading, sequins and whatnot that make it darn near impossible…

    Secondly, you have some competition for the Ugliest Feet In The World. Namely mine. Short, stumpy, looks like I’ve been walking into walls for years…they are lovingly known as “Betty Rubbles” to everyone who sees them. Don’t forget the Hobbit-hair I have to remove every other week….competition, indeed.

    Thirdly, Gladiator shoes. Eh. I saw a pair at Wal-Mart once and thought they were cute, but then I put them on. I think they are for wispy, willowy girls with ankles as big around as a Bic pen. I’m not that girl. They get a thumbs down from me. But partly because they are EVERYWHERE and EVERYONE is wearing them and it will be a dead trend in 4 months anyway. Why spend the money?


  2. Mrs Lemon
    Jul 23, 2009 @ 16:21:21

    I agree. I hate the toe cleavage, personally. But – I found some great ones at Shoe Carnival, by Sideout. I bought them this summer in brown and black. They are comfy, great support, and the thong strap is made for my toes. Plus, it hides the additional toe cleavage.


  3. Christi
    Jul 24, 2009 @ 01:04:59

    I don’t like the gladiator look either. I have yeat to see a pair that are truly flattering on anyone, even the willowy model type.

    As far as fashion statements go there is the toeless sock. They make them for thongs complete with a bit that goes between the toes or they have them that go straight across the foot. I think maybe it had something to do with pedicures at first.

    Not being a fashion maven, I think it is one of the stupidest things I have seen since the whole pants-falling-off-teen-boys look. If my feet are cold, it is usually my toes that are cold so I really don’t see the point in toeless socks.


  4. thefarmerfiles
    Jul 24, 2009 @ 13:12:25

    No gladiators. Reminds me of the 80s, only in metallic!


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