Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Thanks to my sweet Mama, I had some Christmas money just begging to be spent, so I slipped out Sunday afternoon while the little ones were sleeping and left them in the capable hands of their Daddy for a couple of hours.  I left detailed instructions about what should occur during the one or two hours that I might be gone, and those instructions were completely ignored.  Of course, I knew they would be tossed aside, but I felt better leaving them anyway.  Leaving the instructions has nothing to do with why I felt stupid.

I decided that I would do a little shoe shopping, so I shuffled up and down the aisles of DSW for a good 45 minutes.  I was determined to find at least one pair of shoes, by darn, because I had a $10 coupon, and I was not letting that thing go to waste.  Luckily, I found 2 pairs of shoes and some trouser socks, and all of them were on sale for an extra 30% off.  Those finds had nothing to do with why I felt stupid, either.

No, the reason I felt stupid is because after so much success at the shoe store, I decided to head on down to TJ Maxx and check out their selection of pants.  Every now and then — not often, but occasionally — I find something at a real bargain, and I just knew I was about to stumble upon the find of the year.  THE FIND OF THE YEAR, PEOPLE!

Have you ever gone shopping two days after Christmas?  That’s TWO DAYS after having eaten everything in sight?  Two days after two meals that, on any other day, are collectively packed with enough calories and fat to sink a small yacht?

The selection was surprisingly good, and I found lots of pants that I liked.  They were even in my regular size.  The problem was that I was not in my regular size.  I wrestled and tugged and jumped and sucked in and flung myself all over that dressing room, and I’m sure the ugly words in my head came right out of my mouth once or twice.  I know I should be sorry, but all bets are off in dressing rooms.

It finally occurred to me that I’d eaten the equivalent of Tater Tot’s weight over the last week or so, and the disaster that was the wide gap between the button and button-hole of ever pair of pants made much more sense.  Unlike the decision to go shopping for anything other than shoes, as I do not carry my weight in my feet.

Mama always says “Stupid is as stupid does.”

In an effort to make myself feel smarter, I bought a scarf (because one size fits all) and then drove through Sonic for a huge diet coke.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. JLI
    Dec 29, 2009 @ 10:49:41

    I have a blasted $10 off coupon for DSW too! But every time I get one, I never need shoes or can find anything good! I always go right to the clearance racks, but I have to use rigid discipline to not buy another pair of heels or sneakers I won’t wear! And it just doesn’t seem right to use a coupon for something like socks or shoe laces…

    I’m surprised you bought a scarf! It must be a useful one, rather than a fashionable one (that you wear as an accessory, because, oh I remember that debacle as you tried to figure out how best to style one!)

    Scarves are always good to have. And I’m quite sure you can never have too many!


  2. Heather U
    Dec 30, 2009 @ 09:31:35

    Great post my friend… which reminds me why I need to go on South Beach come January 1st! Oh bread and sugar how I shall miss thee (sniff, sniff).


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