I’ve Seen the Future…

…and it is scary.

As many of you know, I teach 5th grade.  And, yes, feel free to put me on your prayer list.

There are lots of things we expect 5th graders to know by the time they’re this age.  I expect them to be able to walk down the hall without too much of a problem;  eat their lunches without completely grossing out everyone within three tables;  be relatively quiet when asked to settle down.

Of course, the majority of my class has mastered none, NONE, of these things in their first six years at our school.  I don’t feel so badly about this because the other teachers have the same problem with their classes.  As  a whole, this group of students is one exercise in patience.  And a trip or 39 to the pharmacy.   Or the liquor store.

Anyway, one day last week I gave a multiple choice test, and when he was finished, one student walked up to me with his paper in his hands and said, “Do you want me to put my name on it?”

As the blood drained straight to my feet, I said, “Well, sweetie,  if you don’t, how will I know it’s yours?”

He stared at me with the blankest look I’ve seen in a good, long time and held his paper out to me.  He said, “Because it’s mine.”


I’ll see you at Walgreen’s.


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Quirky
    Feb 11, 2010 @ 15:00:59

    Oh please tell me that you’re joking.

    Can I assume that you live in a town with lots and lots of toxic waste? Or go to a school lined with flaky lead paint walls? Or should I be digging a hole in the backyard to hide my retirement fund for when these guys grow up to run the country?


  2. Jen
    Feb 11, 2010 @ 18:03:07

    Girl, we could write us some books. Mostly of humor stories. I will never forget the kid last year in my science class that couldn’t believe that the Earth was rotating. He said something to the extent that “it’s spinning? like right now? no wonder I feel dizzy!” There are NO WORDS! And it’s not much better this year. And you’d at least hope somewhere in there between 5th and 7th, it would magically “click” but, alas, it’s worse. Now they have hormones that you have to combat. I feel like Xena princess warrior fighting off the wild and crazy teenage hormones. Good luck to us all. Australia is looking like a lovely alternative.


  3. Tina
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 13:33:10

    There must be something about 5th grade. When my oldest was in 5th grade they just gave the teachers fits. (Not my child, because he knows what will happen to him if I know he’s misbehaving at school, or anywhere for that matter.) Maybe those hormones are just starting to kick in. Unfortunately the only cure is age.


  4. Kelley
    Feb 12, 2010 @ 15:34:16

    Trust me. Even in college they still don’t get it. I work with CEO’s (yes…CEO’s) who come back to school to earn their MBA and you’d be surprised at how much they still do stuff like this.


  5. Jennifer
    Feb 14, 2010 @ 22:04:28

    Put the shut to the up. I cannot believe that. Oh wait…yes I can. I’ve witnessed same said group of 5th graders. Aside from my own love in this grade, I will be glad to say adios to this group of kids come May. You have to laugh or you’d be addicted to Prozak. Seriously. I wonder if I could guess which one did this…

    LOL. Enjoy your President’s day, friend.

    The Frazzled LunchLady


  6. Staci
    Feb 17, 2010 @ 17:07:36

    hmmmm…I taught this group of kids in kindergarten. Sounds like they haven’t changed much!


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